My crazy plan to avoid becoming disappointed with my family on Mother’s Day
I should preface this post with the following truths:
1) I love my husband with all my heart. He honors me daily.
2) We don’t celebrate most of the major American holidays.
3) My kids are 4 and 2 years old.
4) I’m extremely passionate about motherhood, birth, and empowerment.
So it’s true: we don’t celebrate most American holidays at least not like the TV and department stores tell everyone to, but we are extremely intentional with the traditions that we do instill in our children. I truly am a lucky gal, and my husband honors me and teaches our children how to respect and love me daily. Nevertheless, something in my heart was so hurt last year because I truly believe that motherhood and fatherhood should be honored and celebrated individually and as a collective society. This was one holiday I wanted to keep.
I expected breakfast in bed, or roses, or at least a cute little hand-drawn card from my oldest girl. Just something to make me feel honored and like a good momma. As I stood in my kitchen cooking breakfast like I always do, I honestly got raging mad. First it was at my husband for dropping the ball, not thinking ahead, and for not teaching our kids to honor their mother in an audacious way. Next, I was mad because I convinced myself there was no way I should have to teach my kids how to respect me … that is poppa’s job. Finally I was mad at myself for thinking any of this really mattered, that I should just suck it up and forget about my expectations and disappointment because that’s what moms do.
I had been dreaming all day about what everyone should have done for me vs. what I was actually doing at the time and it ate at my soul. As I laid in bed that night, pissed off, I came to the realization that there is only one person on the entire planet that can take away this disappointment … and it’s ME. The truth is that my husband and children honor and love me daily. I’m constantly getting handmade notes and little treasures from my kids, because I’m mom. My husband loves me deeply, blesses my heart, and teaches my kids to speak respectfully and obey their mama with fierce love. I teach them daily the beauty and power of a woman by my own words and actions. My disappointment was coming from an expectation that I had not communicated with any of them, and it was overtaking me like poison.
I had poisoned my own Mother’s Day.
I asked myself that night what I wanted most from this day? My answer was: a break! Then I got this crazy idea about what to do so that I would never be disappointed on Mother’s Day again. I vowed to do this in 2015.
Here’s my crazy plan!
1) I saved $30 every month since last May to spend on myself ($330.00).
2) I am taking a day off from everyone the Saturday before Mother’s Day.
3) I will do things I love to do like get a massage, read a book, take a bath, eat good food, drink wine, and stay in a hotel, watch a movie … or whatever my heart desires.
4) I will communicate with my husband what I would love to do on Sunday when I return and give him ideas for things he can do with the kids that would bless me.
5) I will return on Sunday rested and extremely happy to see my family and cook them the best breakfast on the planet. And they will be happy to have me home after spending 24hrs with poppa!
So, here we are almost one year later. I’ve got my Saturday planned. I told my girlfriend about my crazy idea, and she decided to join me on the journey. This will be an amazing day of self-care, sisterhood, and celebrating motherhood!
- 10 am: Group brunch with a handful of moms we love
- 1 pm: 2-hour massage appointment
- 3 pm: Drive 45 minutes to Amador County (a.k.a. wine country) and drink our way through our favorite wineries. Shop and talk and laugh and eat and drink for hours
- 6 pm: Dinner reservations at a fancy restaurant called Taste
- 9 pm: Late-night movie followed by a yummy dessert
- 12 am: Sneak back home once everyone is asleep so we can wake up with our families
I’m sharing this because I know many women are disappointed on this day where they should feel honored and celebrated. Because I realized that I alone am responsible for my own happiness and that if I expect others to make me happy, I will eventually be disappointed. Because I’m learning to understand my own heart, what truly makes it happy, and how to communicate that to the people I love most. Sometimes I don’t understand my own heart, but I’m learning every day to listen to her more closely.
I hope this inspires at least one other woman, and someday my own daughter, to take her happiness into her own hands and break free of unrealistic expectations and disappointment. To control your own weather.
Happy Mother’s Day to all you beautiful mommas!